Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Push them down

I read about 5 or 6 different blogs every week, but the thought occurred to me that I have only told a few people about my own blog. My parents and siblings don't know about it, although L did mention it to my mom. It was last summer, when I was having a particularly negative streak. I think it was his way of telling her that I had an outlet, and wasn't doing what Marge Simpson tells Lisa to do in the episode "Moaning Lisa." It's one of my favorite episodes, since we get to meet Bleeding Gums Murphy, and Lisa continues to be uninspired by school and her father:
Well it doesn't matter how you feel inside, you know? It's what shows up on the surface that counts. That's what my mother taught me. Take all your bad feelings and push them down, all the way down, past your knees until you're almost walking on them. And then you'll fit in, and you'll be invited to parties, and boys will like you, and happiness will follow.

I've only shared my blog with a few of my extended family members and my kindred spirits. I think it's neat how some how stumbled upon it. Forgive me for my wanderings into the past. Recently I have changed my e-mail over and shared it with most everyone I know except a few members of my past in laws, who have no idea that I have remarried and begun all over again. I don't know if I will ever see them again. I'm not sure how they will feel about this new life of mine. I try not to worry about it, since they were not there for me during my worst struggles. I wouldn't let think that they have somehow seen me through to a new life of consistency and peace.

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