Monday, July 10, 2006

Pictures of you

I found a frightening picture of myself the other day. I was at my parent's house. Shortly after it was taken I got engaged, and it inspired me to join Weight watchers and not be a chubby bride. I was so big that I could not find bras to properly fit me, and I was probably up to a size 22. When I was first fitted for my wedding dress, it was a 22. 6 months later when I returned to the US to get married, I could put my arms through the top and have it fall to the floor. I was already outraged that I had to pay $100 more for a dress that over a size 12, when the dresses ran very much on the small size. But I had no idea how large I was.

The picture of me (which I tore up) was taken on the piece of land that my husband and I would eventually build on. My aunt and uncle posed with me. They are no longer together and I couldn't help but think how vacant my uncle looked in the picture. I miss the past sometimes, when we laughed and people I looked up to were the people I thought would always be together. I drove by the old house the other day. I was stunned to see a mailbox with the house number on it, since it has been empty for some time. I felt like Scout from To Kill a Mockingbird driving by there, daring myself to do so.

But, 2 years on I find that I blame myself less. I try not to understand why everything unraveled. I go home every night and look at my garden, do as I please and am happy for right now.


CBK said...

You were a size 22? Really? I'm having trouble picturing that.

Hey, isn't your birthday next Monday?

Herself said...

Yes, the big day-o.