Monday, May 22, 2006

What We Talk About When We Talk About Love

I had a conversation with L this weekend about love.

This past weekend I did lots of socializing, saw a few babies, drank coffee, trawled around Bull Moose Music in Brunswick, and had a conversation about dumping and being dumped. We were driving and talking. I was excited because I located a copy of Schtum's Grow, which has one of my favorite songs from college: "Skydiver." I used to have the tape which I listened to frequently as I walked around campus, hunched over wearing my purple backpack. I also got Joy Division's Substance, Spiritualized's Ladies and Gentleman We are Floating in Space, and 89/93: An Anthology by Uncle Tupelo. I was ogling my spoils and we were talking about getting dumped as we drove in the rain. I told L how I always tried to be the dumper, because I hated how bad relationships lingered and sometimes just getting it over with helps both people in the long run. He reminded me of my first relationship in 10th grade. I was dumped shortly after after having my first sexual experience. He told all his friends, and word spread fast. So much for exploring your sexuality. People made obscene gestures at me in the hall at school and guys started showing up at my house. It pretty much cemented my desire to leave Maine and be myself in a new place. It also prevented me from ever having a relationship, beyond my friendships, in high school. In a way that was nice, since I think 15 is too young to be so serious about such stuff. Anyway, I was dumped because the person in question told me that he realized that, "he didn't love me, wasn't in love with me anymore and it wasn't going to work out."

Um, I was 15. He was 14. I was capable of love, but the things I loved were things that a 15 year old loves: my mom, cheeseburgers, the Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Johnny Depp, playing basketball, and the beach. How preposterous he was to dump me for something he couldn't really even feel yet. Of course I see his name now in the paper when I visit my parent's, being arrested for various things. I even pointed him out to L when we went to the Common Ground Fair last year. I was never ashamed of who I was and how I acted. I hope he was.

First Pete Yorn, and now David Sedaris! He will be in Portland on October 11th. My social calendar will be filling up fast. You can hear him read from his "Santaland Diaries," and understand why people are ridiculous.

I'm off to Canada in 2 days. I have never pined for a break as much as I am pining right now. I am starting to not care about certain things. Today I had to talk to a woman who demanded we replace her VCR because her kid stuck the Wiggles in it and it promptly broke. She did us a favor by busting the tape, although I don't know about the VCR. The Wiggles are about as endearing as a hangnail. I explained that you take a risk when you borrow materials like this, and that we would not be replacing the player. She then told me how her daughter had dropped a book in the bath and could we call it even and forget about both instances? Like a fool I said yes, because the only vision I have right now is crossing the border and surrounding myself with the comfort of Canada. The full moon has passed but apparently some residual insanity lingers.


CBK said...

I'm glad these posts are cathartic for you, but damn, they're sure hard to comment on sometimes! ;-)

Have a great time in the Great White North!

Anonymous said...

I love Sedaris! His story "Shiner Like A Diamond" in Me Talk Pretty One Day is freaking hysterical - it's teary eyed, laugh out loud on a crowded train funny.

Herself said...

Have you read Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim? It's hilarious but really sad too.

Anonymous said...

Yes, but unfortunately I didn't enjoy that one as much. I hope he publishes another one soon.

Anonymous said...

I say briefly: Best! Useful information. Good job guys.