Sunday, April 29, 2007


I received a letter last Monday from Ireland. It was the first letter I had received in over 2 years, from my mother-in law. I'm not sure what to call her. Ex mother-in law seems strong, but there isn't a real bond there anymore and I am no longer married to her son. The last one I received from her contained a card with my dead husband's face on it. It read "The family and wife of Timothy X wish to thank you for your prayers and condolences." There was no note, just this small card with a picture of him that I took at Sand Beach at Acadia National Park, and some passage from the bible on the back. Being his wife, I was surprised to get the card. It seemed shocking since the communication I had from her between his death and that point was seeing her at his funeral, and 2 phone calls.

The letter told me that he still did not have a stone at his grave, because not everyone in his family was ready yet. She mentioned his birthday date twice, which L found hilarious. She must have thought I had forgotten. She also wrote how Tim was guiding her through her life, how he was a good son, and husband. This is where I pause and want to tell her that he was selfish, angry, and impulsive. He was suspicious of everyone and their intentions, and I allowed myself to be consumed. He could be cruel, and did not trust me. Of course, he was human. He had many good qualities, and I loved him.

I took a breath and wrote her a polite note back, acknowledging her birthday, which is exactly 1 month before his. I also said I had been wondering about the stone and told her that I hope to go back to the UK when it is financially feasible, so that I can visit the grave. I sealed the note and sent it off.


Malathionman said...

My mother and sister have not delt with death very good either. My father (her first husband) and her mother died about six months apart. They did some really wierd stuff. I was actually kind of pissed at them for a long time, but I got over it.

Herself said...

I agree. If you don't deal with it head on, it will haunt you. Thanks for your insight.

Leucantha` said...

Sounds like you did the right thing. The mother-in-law, daughter in law dance is so strange. I have a pretty good one, but it can still be odd.