"It could have been the Willie Nelson, it could have been the wine."

It's been a while.

I realized yesterday how out of touch with national events I am. I overheard my mom and sister talk about a woman in Ohio whose child witnessed her crying and then carried out of the house wrapped in a rug. Is my life better not watching network TV? I think of this as the Polyanna approach. I know about world news, because I read the news on the BBC. I know what I need to know, and the rest is just propaganda.

Yesterday we drove down to Portsmouth, NH to pick my mom up. She spent the week on Cape Cod with my sister and her family. Portsmouth has become a kind of Switzerland for my family. It's a meeting point for those of us living up north, and those in the south. Usually we meet at the Bickford's at the traffic circle. "Bickford's," my first husband use to say, "Is the place where divorced dads bring their kids on Christmas." I was married the first time in a Catholic church in Portsmouth. It seemed to make sense since it is an hour or so north of Logan airport in Boston, easy to get to and a nice place. We had a few guests coming from out of the country (including us), plus friends and family around New England. I struggled with the decision to get married in the church, when I would have preferred a more neutral service (or ideally one in my own church). These are the things you learn from experience. Christ, I sound sage when really I am just bitter.

Bitterness seems helpful when coming up with snarky comebacks, or feeling strongly about something, but it feels a lot like guilt to me, and I find that emotion useless. Bitterness helps me hide inside, because it seems like every time I am out and about I see or hear things that make me feel bad, and faulted.