Awkwardly me

I was trying on a dress today at lunch when I felt sudden dread: I zipped a little too high out of my reach and I might have to ask for assistance to get the zipper down. I'd rather dislocate my shoulder than ask, but luckily I wriggled my way out.

In my life I have experienced many silly little incidents like this which some would call character building. I am a lifelong member of Laurie Notaro's The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club, and I have my membership certificate framed and on the wall in my spare bedroom. Sometimes gullibility and stupidity go hand in hand. I remember visiting a home of a family that my parents knew by a lake when I was young. I asked to use the bathroom, and began looking around in their vanity and spilled blue toilet bowl cleaner all over myself. Nice. Then there was the time we visited church friends who had a very nice boat in Camden Harbor. My sister told me not to use the bathroom on the boat, since the flush went directly into the harbor. I struggled with holding it in, not wanting to be a polluter, but I was only 5 and did not have the will.

My first date in 7th grade ended with me barfing on my McDonald's tray. The 5 hours of flirting, plus watching a bad movie while drinking coke and downing sweet tarts and gummy bears, combined with my raging hormones = erp.

There were many other instances in between then and now but you get the picture. I was a freak kid, who has grown into a regular, human adult. After I got to know L he commented that I was presentable in public and yet weird in a good way, quite like him. So this awkwardness has paid off.